That first day of the new year of 2022. Yes, the moment I knew. Even though I have yet to know your name.
The first time you smiled, I did not think of anything other than you being friendly. But when the second time you did the same while I was walking down the aisle, right after the wedding pictures, but this time with the way you look into my eyes with that tiny smile, I felt like I was in a movie when the two main characters first met in a wedding.
The baby pink dress, traditional but with a modern touch enhanced your lean figure. I wonder what kind of career are you in? Ah, well, why didn't I think that you might be the groom's or bride's friends from workplace. I managed to process this analysis a few days later. Now I could understand how you looked well-dressed, simple but every fabric fits your lean and tall form.
Out of the 250 people in that dining hall, only you who had captured my attention. I am not sure whether it was my calibrated radar. But if it is working, there could be five including you and a friend of yours which my radar was directed too but out of these five, only you captured my attention.
While you were having your moments with your friends at the altar, I could not hold back my attention towards you. I did not even care if anyone was observing me. I did not even hide my interests from my mum who was sitting beside me, probably noticing. I saw your friend putting her hand on your shoulder while taking the pictures with the couple. I was wondering whether you were taken. Trying to gauge whether any of those guys is your partner. I caught a glimpse at your ring finger. Yap, none.
Once you were done, gradually your friends made their way back to the table. I purposely took off my mask at that moment just so you can see how I looked like. I have seen how you looked like even though I don't think I can recognize you again if we ever meet outside. So, I took off my mask playing around with it like as if something was inside that was hurting my cheek. While you were walking towards my table, you had to eventually passby mine. I had to look down and away from you. Really. Yes. Just because suddenly my chest felt so full, my heart stopped beating. I could not breathe. I am not merely saying this just because I am writing a poem or my experiences. I really couldn't breathe. My chest felt like it could explode anytime. I have never felt like this before even when I had interests in people over the years.
Then, you stopped and started chatting with someone. Well, I could not recalled who was that person just because my eyes were fully on you. While you were chatting, I had the courage to peek a glance at you and so I took the chance to analyse your posture and your whole being at that distance before I quickly glanced away. I wanted to memorize the way you look, and your features even though from afar just in case we meet again.
That evening, the one thing I did differently than my usual was being courageous to let myself feel and not hide it away. I was not concerned if my mum noticed or those other guests saw what I was observing. But the one thing I did the same was, that was it. I tried looking for you in the internet after that and sending video messages in poetry and posts just in case you are in social media, but well so far nothing. And I don't even know your name.
(Written by S.Sulianah)
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S. Sulianah Swift-Kendrick