That first day of the new year of 2022. Yes, the moment I knew. Even though I have yet to know your name.

The first time you smiled, I did not think of anything other than you being friendly. But when the second time you did the same while I was walking down the aisle, right after the wedding pictures, but this time with the way you look into my eyes with that tiny smile, I felt like I was in a movie when the two main characters first met in a wedding.

The baby pink dress, traditional but with a modern touch enhanced your lean figure. I wonder what kind of career are you in? Ah, well, why didn't I think that you might be the groom's or bride's friends from workplace. I managed to process this analysis a few days later. Now I could understand how you looked well-dressed, simple but every fabric fits your lean and tall form.

Out of the 250 people in that dining hall, only you who had captured my attention. I am not sure whether it was my calibrated radar. But if it is working, there could be five including you and a friend of yours which my radar was directed too but out of these five, only you captured my attention. 

While you were having your moments with your friends at the altar, I could not hold back my attention towards you. I did not even care if anyone was observing me. I did not even hide my interests from my mum who was sitting beside me, probably noticing. I saw your friend putting her hand on your shoulder while taking the pictures with the couple. I was wondering whether you were taken. Trying to gauge whether any of those guys is your partner. I caught a glimpse at your ring finger. Yap, none.

Once you were done, gradually your friends made their way back to the table. I purposely took off my mask at that moment just so you can see how I looked like. I have seen how you looked like even though I don't think I can recognize you again if we ever meet outside. So, I took off my mask playing around with it like as if something was inside that was hurting my cheek. While you were walking towards my table, you had to eventually passby mine. I had to look down and away from you. Really. Yes. Just because suddenly my chest felt so full, my heart stopped beating. I could not breathe. I am not merely saying this just because I am writing a poem or my experiences. I really couldn't breathe. My chest felt like it could explode anytime. I have never felt like this before even when I had interests in people over the years.

Then, you stopped and started chatting with someone. Well, I could not recalled who was that person just because my eyes were fully on you. While you were chatting, I had the courage to peek a glance at you and so I took the chance to analyse your posture and your whole being at that distance before I quickly glanced away. I wanted to memorize the way you look, and your features even though from afar just in case we meet again. 

That evening, the one thing I did differently than my usual was being courageous to let myself feel and not hide it away. I was not concerned if my mum noticed or those other guests saw what I was observing. But the one thing I did the same was, that was it. I tried looking for you in the internet after that and sending video messages in poetry and posts just in case you are in social media, but well so far nothing. And I don't even know your name. 

(Written by S.Sulianah)

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Hi Everyone! Happy New Year 2022! 

I just wanna wish you all here just so we all remember that we managed to go through the pandemic years and we are still going through it again in fact with another variant. Anyway, see you all and I hope everyone is in a good shape at the end of 2022.

Have fun and remember to enjoy the moments!

Why focus on the present and what the future can bring to us instead of the past? And what motivates me to write this? Well, just last week during a lunch and tea meetup with my two close friends, one of them asked us this question Would you like to go back to the past to change anything? The answer for myself is Nope, definitely not. My answer was not influenced by the many 'timeline' related movies I had watched, it is more than that. On the other hand, one of my friends replied, Why not? Maybe there is something that can be changed in the past which is better for you? 

I did not reply to her immediately because I did not want to sound condescending, or like as if I have all what I had been wanted in my life now. Usually whenever I had something in mind, I will make sure that whatever I am thinking or pursuing is in the right path so that is why I will do research on topics related to the issue. 

These are some of my main reasons I would not like to go back to my past. This decision I had made is supported by the books and articles I had read and from videos of motivational speakers in relation to similar subject. 
​

1. All these years to this very moment, I have worked so hard and put in effort to do the things I wanted to do in my life. As simple as being here writing this during a day when most people has to be at work. Other examples like attaining my Masters, travel around the world by myself, write and publish books, setup and run my own businesses and make money out of it, learn new skills, gain vast experiences in my career, be successful in my career paths and any ventures I had been through so far, building self-confidence and be comfortable with myself, learning to understand myself, be contented and happy with my own life, feel free, be in a safe environment, be with people who are suitable for me in my life, not be with people who are not right for me and so on. These are what I have been wanting since I was 15. The ones that I prayed every day and asked from The Almighty. And I can say I managed to achieved all of those I had mentioned above.
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2. I could not imagine any other paths other than the ones I had been through. This is what I would like to have. And the paths that I went through to achieve those are not that hard in comparison to possible others. In fact, most of it I managed to go through and achieved without that heavy burden, a challenge yes but not burden. Because I had asked for it to be like this during my prayers. And why should I change it when it is not that difficult to attain those?  
   
   
3. Going to go through all those late nights of writing thesis, group projects were great and yes as part of the package. No complains. I do not mind going through another similar situations but for another level of my education, not to repeat the same. Which means, I do not mind spending time and money again to achieve my phD but not to repeat another degree or masters. Why waste time when I can do many other new explorations and build new relationships with new people? 
   
   
4. Another big item plans since I was 15 was my aspiration to travel around the world. If you know me, you would already know the type of places I had went to. To achieve that budget and time (2 to 3 weeks of vacation leave) I had during those years were unbelievable and till now I feel like Wow, did I really get to do all those things by myself? It was not a miracle or something. I wanted it, I prayed and tell God that I want those and so there it goes. When I did flashbacks to my past, I really am amazed by how I got to achieve those like I had asked for. So, to tell me to go back to my past and change something, I could not imagine anything else other than what I had gone through because I feel like I have done it all and had a great time seeing new places and meeting the nicest versions in people during the time I was traveling by myself. Can you believe it when I said that I had spent S$42,000 on my Masters for 1.5 years, and still have the money AND time to travel to Japan, get a VVIP Ticket to Taylor Swift's reputation concert in Tokyo that cost ~ S$650, go shopping to the extreme, pay for extra baggage cost and not throw anything from inside my luggage just to avoid paying the excess baggage fee, travel to 4 states in Canada, celebrate my first overseas birthday there and took 3 weeks of vacation leave from my ex-workplace, went to the coldest city in the world, to the coldest place in the world, which was not part of the initial travel plan but was the Travel the World plan and many others I managed to do. Yes, I am thankful and grateful. 
   
   
5. How about with the people I had met that maybe I could have avoided in the past? Thinking back on this, I feel like so far it was what it was meant to be. With those experiences, I am who I am today. The person you see me become is influenced partly by the type of people I had met in my past. The things I had learnt to be such as avoiding certain type of characters of people, why I will be careful when I speak to people, being selective when choosing my close small circle of friends, why I am selective to what I shared to people and so on. These are some of a few examples just because of those people I had met in my past, like not being trustworthy, disrespectful and many other possible reasons. However, usually I will take advantage of those good or even unpleasant experiences with people and develop something positive with it. 
   For instance, with those encounters, I will usually analyse it for my own character building, and then develop those as contents by writing articles, poems, videos, scripts and books which could benefit readers in a positive light such as how to identify and manage difficult people, sociopath, psychopaths, disrespectful people, selfish individuals and the not trustworthy type of people. Like I have mentioned in my latest book, Be Brave: Uncensored Motivational Quotes which I had also highlighted the ways you can handle certain type of individuals in your life. 
   
   
6. For me, whatever had happened and wherever I was and am now in the timeline is where I am supposedly to be. I am happy with it, content, thankful and grateful with any decisions I had made and anything that I had achieved with what I had in my mind, in fact better.
   ​
7. Just to share with you guys something which I had read and found. Remember not to be too focus on your future and also be regretful or think too much about what had happened in your past and what is going to happen to you in the future. This will increase your anxiety, could also cause depression and all the worries and disappointments in you. Be here. And keep moving forward and do not look back. Do not care about you think others will think about you. Like I am serious about this. No one cares about you literally in a way like what you are doing right now, or what are you having for lunch just now. They have their own life to be proud of. I am repeating what I had said in Be Brave: Uncensored Motivational Quotes but in case you have not read that book yet, I am saying it here. There are so many other interesting things and experiences waiting for you and for you to try. Yes, you can learn the lessons from your past experiences because that is what we are meant to do as a human to learn, change, improve, relearn and move on. 

 

• The only thing I will tell my old self even though this is actually not regrets, this is more of reminding myself now and for my future is to Yes, you can give space to learn to trust people but do not trust them too much, doesn't matter how long you have known them.
• Also to trust my instincts, do not argue or questioned it. Those are signs to warn me of the true colors of something my conscious and eyes could not see. 
• And to remember to embrace more who I want to be. In fact, one essential factor is that I am glad that my past listened to myself and not listen to what others say about what life should be for me like for instance who they want me to be, it doesn't matter my friends, ex-friends, strangers or relatives. I am thankful that I didn't even stop to give them a chance to dictate my life or how I should be. For those who managed to utter a sentence with that essence, I made the right decisions to leave and never turn back.

I am looking forward to embrace these moments that I have been working on and the new experiences which are ready for me.
And the answer is still No, I will not want to go back to my past and change anything that there could be/might be/possibly be etc something better for me. And yes, if I ever I go back there again, a stubborn human like me, I will repeat the same mistakes that I might not learn from it anyway. So....

See you all in 2022 instead of the 2000!!

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I feel like writing about being a trustworthy person and why it is important who you let into your home, or in some cases like mine, my office. Maybe you might have noticed the theme of the book I recently wrote and published, Be Brave: Uncensored Motivational Quotes that circled on one of the most important patterns that I had observed over the years which is the importance of being a person who can be trusted. I am not talking about honesty or integrity here. This is as simple as can be trusted. 

Since I was young, my mum will remind me to learn to keep secrets when friends or people tell me to. And to make sure not to tell the secrets to anyone. If they want to tell other people is fine but the stories must be not from me. Due to that, my friends usually called me as the secret keeper. They know that whatever they told me, I will never in one sentence or one word tell others. Well, it works all along and it helped me to create genuine bonds and friendships with individuals over the last two decades.

The issue that I noticed here is when people just couldn't keep secrets. It is not easy to find one like a friend who could. Over the years since I was 7 years old, I had experienced many situations where individuals I met could not be trusted. Whenever I gave a person a chance, they show me their Joker card. So, usually I will ended up telling "secrets" but considered as am prepared if the secret became a headline of conversations, opinions, and sarcasms.

Now I am in my late 30s, and recently had experienced a life changing moment in terms of friendship with a group of friends I used to hangout with for about ten years. I mentioned this briefly in my latest book, Be Brave: Uncensored Motivational Quotes but I could not write too detailed on that book. Over this two decades being friends with thousands of people, I have never felt agitated or feel like vomiting with anyone for a very long time. The last time someone misuses my trust was when I was 15, with one of my classmates who I used to hangout with. She was one of the reasons I told myself to be careful with people. 

So, the misusing of trust by this ex-friend of mine were as simple as when I told her something important for me, "Pls don't tell her first about that t-shirt she gave. I will tell her myself cos I don't want her to feel hurtful." And then the next thing I know was, the girl asked me whether my shirt does not fits me. And if you guys is coming here to shoot me saying how sensitive I am, yes, I am. Because now I am in a phase in my life (after making sure I build my self-esteem and personality for years), I cannot entertain with this kind of idiots and people who are of big mouth. If the person cannot keep a simple secret as this, do you think they can be trusted? Nope. And just so you know, this is only one incident. Within the next 3 months, similar situations happened. One of the most significant one which made me pissed off was when I told her to not tell anyone about me renting a car. I will tell them later. But definitely, the other friend knows in less than an hour. This behavior is consistent. I don't remember her doing this the last ten years because I have never told them my personal secrets and stories which I am glad I did not. And every time I speak or shared my opinions with them in conversations, at the back of my mind, there is this signal telling me to be careful with what I shared which I guessed has been accurate all the time. 

So, you may asked what has this got to do with not letting people you don't trust into your home? Simple. Trust your instinct when you are with anyone. For me I think I let this group of friends came to visit my parents' place years ago during a festive season once. And last year when I had my new office, not even a single moment in me telling myself to invite them to my own office. Not even once. I had planned and did invited my 3 close friends, 2 ex-colleagues and they did came. I did verbally invited one of our friends in the group, the girl who bought the t-shirt for us, just because I trusted her. Surprise isn't it? I mean apart from liking her, I trusted her more than these two friends I have been hanging out with for the last 10 years. And other than that, I invited my 2 MSc classmates randomly if they pass-by my office's area. That is all the circle of friends I really feel comfortable with. There were like 2 more friends who I used to hangout with who also 'invited themselves' to my office but I gave many excuses to avoid.  

Last week, I saw a post on tiktok about this topic and one of the comments were also like what I have been thinking all this while. It is more of a crime investigation post if I am not wrong or about a friend she let her stay at her home but secretly slept with her husband. 

Don't invite anyone that you don't trust into your home. If the person is your friend's friend who would like to drop-by to your place with your friend, but if you are not comfortable you can tell your friend, no. I went to Ottawa for a road trip with J in 2019 and she did asked me whether her friend can join in to stay overnight in the hotel with us. And I told her, no. She and her friend understood. Firstly, is because I don't know that guy. Second, the friend is a guy. Third, for my safety and also her safety. However, during the road trip we managed to create a friendship bond with each other and the guy seems fine and my instinct did not stop me from not letting him stay with us that night. So, I let him share a room for one night and he will go back home the next morning. And I had no issue with that guy or my friend too during that night and after that. 

As for that group of friends who I hangout with for about ten years, one night, they invited themselves to my office. Simply like that after a dinner which I had intentionally avoided to attend. Even when I insisted no don't come it is too late (9.30pm), without any shame they insisted on coming. So, this time, after ten years I used my firm demeanor which I don't usually let it out with friends. This character of mine will come out only in professional work settings. I insisted with a 'No, next time'. I know there will never be a next time, (no need for anyone to tell me). Firstly, was because I don't trust them anymore except the friend who gave us the t-shirt who was with them that night. Second, the last time we met was during the two friends' birthday celebration in November. At that time, I could feel the heaviness of the situation with them like I said I felt angry, agitated, annoyed, and feel like vomiting because that feeling of disgusted was too much. I was at that fine line of breaking no matter what, when the trigger is released. I am that kind of person, if I am a loyal friend I will take care of that friendship, but if anyone pissed me off, I will leave out everything and let them hang without even saying a thing for closure. My closure is the same as most people in friendships. Just leave, no need to explain. No need to reply texts. I mean since this is common for a normal friendship, I did the same. If I am still interested in the friendship, I will explain to the person like I had done with a number of my friends who are now my closest. If not worth it, I will leave and block people. It is okay to do this especially if you don't find it worth anymore to talk or discuss. When I tried to justify my actions, I remembered when she told me about how a group of her friends suddenly did not talk to her and exclude her from the group chats. I also suddenly remembered one of our ex-schoolmates who told me about her character. And I also remember one of my ex-squad-mates who did not talk to her. Well, I had to do this because these are the things that I ignored or tried to justify over the years. Since it doesn't change, I feel like for me personally is okay to do this. This is my life. If people want to do this to me, I am okay too. It is their life. I will not stop them to justify my actions with the unpleasant things they had heard about me. 

The thing about this is to usually learn to observe and not to ignore what your first feeling about the person or situation is. I had this feeling since the first time actually, and gradually it builds over the years. I kept justifying every actions of theirs and trying to change myself to be not too sensitive. But the issue is not about being sensitive. That is actually the good part. As a human, we should not, okay I can say, I do not want people with that characters to be in my life. Why should I forced myself to let them in when most part of me has been screaming telling me there is something not right? 

Because of all these build-up, the last thing that snapped me as always is about trust. Probably, I can close one eye on small remarks like, "Wear dress", "Gain weight", "Get married", repeating vacation stories, talking about other people, do not listen and only talk about themselves, or even their disrespectful attitude towards the service staff which happened always whenever we went out which I still don't get it.

I have to rant in my own blog here just because I need to get rid of these toxic layers. Since now I am in a new better chapter of my life, I would like to get rid of these memories forever. My upcoming books and all that, I am planning to write something which is more futuristic and of more positive vibes that will be based on my research on human behavior in organisations. 

Anyway, I really need to talk about trust and how it linked to inviting people to your home and office, which is your sanctuary filled with personal secrets of yours. So, remember this guys. Trust your instincts and act on it. Don't just trust but you try to justify it, and then when you regret about not listening to your intuition, it is because of something else that is much more important to you in your life. For me, the most significant was trust. 

​This is one of the poems featured in Letters of a Thousand Speeches book by S.Sulianah

"When I told you I could write hundreds of letters filled with a
thousand speeches, what I meant was I have done it since the day
we met again seven years ago.

Your kindness, attention, protectiveness, wit and curiosity have lit
up my life. Every time you smile, it seeps into my mind, begging
to be in my memory.

The way you laughed and how you hid that beautiful shy smile
puts me to sleep at night.

I thought I had lost all this seven years ago. And then you came
back."

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Hi Everyone. I am writing this next survival guide kit for anyone out there who needs some ideas to defend yourselves or is annoyed with the same question from people around you over and over again. And also there was this request from one of my social media comments requesting how to handle people who keep asking question "When are you getting married?" or sometimes them being extra smart telling you to get married. 

Before I start, it seems like this is not a one race or one country or one culture's dilemma. Apparently, it is a universal issue faced by individuals doesn't matter age, race and origin. 

When this question is raised to you "When are you getting married?" or telling you it is time for you to get married. The  scenario you will faced is this question is being asked by your close relatives, long-distanced relatives who you met once in couple of years or could be your friends doesn't matter close or not.

These are several ways you can reply. I had tried these at different occasions, and it works well.
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1. Like genuinely say, "I am not ready", or "I haven't find the right ones". These are like the mellow down replies. 
2. Smile and don't reply to the question. Ignoring or keeping quiet is at times better to show to the other person that you don't like that question.
3. You can also reply either with a smile or not, depending on you and the situation you are in with, "I am already married." or "I am already married recently but did not invite you or anyone," Then, they will be like What? I need to talk to your parents. So, let them talk if they dare to. hahahaha ... 
4. Basic generic questionable reply, "I am not interested." Is like a sentence that could be you are not interested in getting married but you have someone already in your life, or it could be you are not interested to get married cause of commitments, or it could be merely you are not interested to get married because of any reasons. 
5. Or if you are really daring you can also reply like these ... "I am not interested in getting married with a man/woman" or "It is illegal to get married here." or "I need to go to another country to get married"
6. "I am already married with 5 kids". I did this before to 2 strangers who out of nowhere asked me this question a couple of years ago.
7. If someone says to you to pray so you can get a partner faster, what I did was I said "Yes, I did pray. If not, I would have gotten married 10 or 15 years ago." This conversation was with my uncle years ago. Then he asked, "Huh, what you mean?". I said, I prayed, "If the person I go out with is not for me, please don't waste our time going out and hanging out with each other. Well, God knows better than you do." That was how the conversation goes. And it was both a genius way of replying which was also true at that time. Then I ended the conversation with him, "Please don't ask me this kind of question again. I don't like it. If you want, we can talk about something else instead." It works and my uncle is still talking to me and he did not asked me that kind of question anymore.
8. Recently, a friend whom I usually hangout with for about a decade, out of nowhere broke the protocol of telling me, she was not even asking me. She said, "Now that you know how to cook, it is time for you to get married." I was like Fuck you! Then I replied, "Why are you acting like the old generations telling people to get married?" I was really pissed off. She added fuel on that day. I acted cool, but I was not. Anyway, she made it easier for me to decide not to hangout with them anymore. Yeah, I am this kind of individual. If people are toxic, disrespectful and not thinking about other's feelings like in this way, I will find reasons or sometimes no need to find, they will give me in the platter to decide easily and to this extent. I am considered having a very good level of patience but when a person pressed one button, I don't care who they are and how long we have known each other, my decision will be instant. Be brave and prioritize your own happiness whenever you decide on something that is similar to this.
9. Another method is to change the topic. You can say, "Hey do you know that I just graduated from my Masters recently?" or "Hey, do you know that you can donate clothes to a children's charity through my company?" I have not tried this yet because recently no one has been or has dared to ask me this question anymore. I might try this soon. 
10. Also, there is another way which is more on managing your energy in repelling a person or questions that you might foresee they will ask, based on your past conversations with them or experiences with people. When a family member or friend approaches you to chat as usual, in your heart, just tell yourself that this person should not ask any question related to marriage. Then, you can make your face a bit serious so they will think twice to ask. And also, you can come out with a subject to discuss instead of them coming out with the topic. Like you can talk about where have they been travelling for work if you know he or she is a frequent traveler for work. Talk about them. This will make them happy because you are interested in knowing about them, and they will not have the chance to chat or ask about you. 
11. Sometimes, you can visualize an energy bubble to protect you from negative things and people. This is at another level though. I seldom use this method consciously. It will be there whenever needed. 

Remember this. We cannot control others, but we can control ourselves, our decisions and how we analyze everything that we encounter when we communicate with another person. And remember not to do the same thing that you don't want others to do to you. Think before asking another person a question. 

If you are extracting these points for your article(s), please remember to quote my name as the writer (S.Sulianah), and my website link (www.ctsulianah.com). Thank you!

I have written this how to be happy article is because I just found that this seems to be a hot search topic. Furthermore, I noticed that everyone has different experiences and lifestyle so this write-up might or might not be practical. The ones that I listed here and talk about in one of my podcasts, Grapholistic Podcast, is to motivate individuals to have the courage to realize that happiness is within themselves. It is all in there, within you. There is no need to search for it in someone else or in any part of the world. Happiness is inhibited within you. You only need to resurfaced that feelings.

The first and foremost step is to be self-aware of your own character and personality. The foundation step to realizing and knowing about yourself. What you like and the triggers that could test your patience. Learning about your character is part of this step which will take some time for you to be comfortable with who you are. The results of this process can also be a defense mechanism when you encounter with challenges in your life. 

Secondly, is be aware of the surrounding which means that you have to self-reflect on the presence around you including other living entity such as the trees, animals, insects and humans. These could then develop you to feel at peace and also know that you are not alone. You will feel lighter when you have any problems.

Third step. This step is such a sensitive part to highlight but I find that it has been a pattern and consistent in my life when I deal with people. I realized recently too from posts in social media that this is a global human concerns --- Trust. Trusting someone and also be a person who is trustworthy.

Sometimes, you feel like you can trust strangers more than your family or friends because you know that hardly you will see them again. They might share your story to others but high probability those are not the people you know. Recently, I encountered with a situation on trust and I responded it in a way that those group of friends did not anticipated. I am considered a person with patience. Which means, I can stand and close one eye with remarks or comments that are unpleasant to me for years or for decades. It is not healthy but some things that I don't see everyday, I can mold it to be shifted in the unnecessary category in my life.

Recently, which is a couple months ago, there was this situation when I told this friend (@Emma) not to tell another friend (@Maya) first about the t-shirt which Maya gifted us because I couldn't fit in. I planned to actually take the design and make it into a t-shirt of my size so I can wear it later. Specifically, I told Emma not to tell Maya first because I do not want to hurt Maya's feelings until I told her myself. The reason I told Emma was because this group of friends planned to wear this shirt in our next outing. And guess what.. Emma told Maya. I found this out from Maya herself which she asked me in a nice way. I like Maya and did not want to hurt her but instead I planned to surprise her with my idea of making it into another shirt. And I was not pissed off with her. That was like the first within that 2 months Emma broke my trust. 

Then, subsequently, Emma behaved similarly by telling Maya again on the day I rented a car to drive to Maya's house for a birthday celebration. I found this out when Maya told me to drive safely on that day. I was like how did you know? And she emoji smiled at me. The only person who knows is Emma because we planned to surprise Maya and another friend of ours for their birthday. That day was like the maximum patience I had. Not counting the unpleasant time and friction I have been saving for the past 2 to 3 months.  

I totally forgotten about Emma's character which was told by a mutual friend about 20 years ago. This friend told me that Emma is a person with a big mouth and not to be trusted. Like I said, I prefer not to judge and evaluate a person by someone else's experience. And when it happened to me, it was something else. I had my patience in checked in the first incident, until something else happened right after that which pinned my bubble of patience.

This surprisingly did affect my happiness during that time, like a trigger to my patience which I had set for the past years when with them. Things that I kept it well-packed thinking that it is small released this trigger. I could feel the friction on our last two gatherings. I am a sensitive person in this way which means I could feel if something is not right about a person, or when I am with another person. At times, I will ignore but most of the times when the condition is consistent, I will make immediate decisions. 

The story to learn here is it doesn't matter how long you have known a person. But once they break your trust, you have to make sure you do something to it instead of being in that relationship and 'try to endure it'.  Frankly, and luckily I have never share any of my secrets or about me since we were friends for the past decades. With this group of friends, I have been extra careful. Normally, I will be affectionate with friends I hangout with but not these two excluding Maya. Maya is not in this picture. So, I tried for years but I couldn't say words like 'I Miss You all' or 'I love You all' or even anything about my opinions and anything I experienced. There is always some gap and signal to avoid saying it out loud whenever I feel like telling them anything. Well, seems like my guts and instinct are accurate. 

About 20 years ago, a friend who I used to hangout with did the same too. She broke my trust with her fantasy story. More of this detailed story in my podcast. That time, I had confronted her, she denied. But that doesn't stopped me from leaving the friendship and not to waste my time to hang around with her. We were friends but I avoid hanging out with her. And again, it was another gut feeling that proves to me that my reaction was a right step. Because recently, she did say something which I made sure I did not say it out loud to her throughout our friendship comparing to what our mutual friends will say to her. Well, this time, I had to be brave again and did a total cut-off. But the reason this time was about respect and how sometimes people don't care about how we feel, which I also talked about in my podcast. 

My type of person is once I am committed to leaving, I will do 100% and never turning back. I will not block you in social media but I will block your phone number because it is annoying. My patience level when I am an adult is not as much as last time, or I can say, I have seen too much in life that I am now more courageous to act on it. If you have friends like me or whoever in your life like this, don't take it lightly and don't take advantage of them. If you want people to respect you, make sure you respect them first. 

Apart from that, if someone tells you something, a story about them or their concerns, don't use it for your advantage. Meaning that you should not ever use it as sarcasm when communicating with each other. A few days ago, a friend I normally keep in touch with by letters even though we stay in the same country, used it in his text to me. I knew what he was implying but I acted as if I don't have any idea what he is trying to say. Again, I actually was contemplating whether to tell him about something. And he also is not the kind who can keep secrets. This is based on my personal experience with him when we were studying for our diploma together. But he is the type of person who is somewhat like genuine. He reminds me of my friend, Hans, who is also this style. Cannot keep secrets until you say keep it a secret. But because they are like the innocent decent type that is why I can still consider to tell stories to them. But the difference between him and the previous cases were, this friend of mine gets it real quick. He quickly said I am sorry just ignore the message (I planned to tell him in my next letter hahahaa). Comparing to the other two situations, they will never know the reasons until they read this. So, that is the difference.

And also people ... I hated this sentence (text messages I received from the first 2 situations), "If I did or say something wrong to you, I apologize". Fuck you, guys. Stop throwing this anyhow you like. Firstly, why apologize when you don't know what was the reason you are apologizing for? Secondly, I don't think you mean it because you don't know what it is about and so you will still do it again. Well, one of them did it again years later. Lastly, I am not interested anymore. You can live without me, and I am still alive without you. 

Also, learn to build this trustworthy character within you. It is actually a charm and an exemplary character that could make people be comfortable with you and be with you. I have friends who told me secrets and I have never told anyone even when we don't keep in touch anymore. Some of those friends had told me that they are inclined to chatting with me because of how I can keep secrets and stories. And yes, this is one of the communication skills that you need to start to build because it is a principled trait for personal and business use. 

Forth, stop comparing yourself with others. Doesn't matter in which perspectives, be sure that you focus on yourself instead of others. This includes comparing yourself with your siblings, relatives and friends. That is why the first step is so important which is building the architecture of your foundation. When I was about 12 years old, my mom used to compare me with my best friend who was also my neighbor during that time. Then, when I was about 16 or 17 years old, she started to do the same again with someone else and I told her if you like that person so much, you can take her as your daughter. Since then, she did not compare me with anyone. 

Fifth, please please remember to appreciate and be grateful with your accomplishments. Be grateful. And whenever you attained something in your life, reward yourself. It could be small tasks or goals that you have set in a day-to-day basis or it could be the large scale goals. As long as you remember to give yourself a pat on your shoulder and congratulate yourself, you will be motivated to live your life everyday. Rely on yourself and not on others to congratulate you.

Ten years ago, my morning motivational clock were a friend and my office neighbor. I used to hangout with my friend/classmate in MSN chat room years ago. PS. She is now one of my closest friends. Hanging out with her during office hours while doing my work is like a motivation for me to go to work. I was happy to go to work hahahah. And also there was this office neighbor that I looked forward to meet every morning. We used to go for lunch together since when I started to say hi to her. This happened for 1 to 2 years. When MSN chat room is not a thing anymore and my office neighbor moved out, I was worried that I will not have any motivation to go to office. However, luckily during that time, I have already started to set up this foundation by focusing in building my goals and objectives. So, those changes did not affect me at all. Anyway, they are both still my friends. 

Well, these points are the ones that I can remember at the moment and also the ones that I am experiencing in my life which I find it practical to share. At anytime, something else struck me, I will keep you updated. Enjoy the video! 


​SUMMARY POINTS:
1) Be Self-Aware. Learn to observe your own behavior and feelings.
2) Be aware of your surrounding
3) Sometimes keeping opinions to yourself is better than telling others. Why?
4) Stop comparing with others
5) Appreciate and be grateful of each and every of your accomplishments.
 
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Guys, deciding to be an entrepreneur has been one of my goals since I was 15. And this is an opportunity for me to share my journey. It is one of my bucket list items which has been at the back of my mind finally came through. Since I was in school, I will enjoy those session when my schools invited ex-students to come by and give a speech of motivation to the students. And I always imagined that I will be at that position when one day I achieved my goals to be successful in my endeavors. The only school of mine I had in mine was my secondary school, not even my polytechnic. Why? Because polytechnics and universities for me are huge and in large scale. I did not expect them to call me since there are other successful individuals out there. 

Another reason I was expecting probably my secondary school would call me instead is also because I am looking forward to meet the teacher I had crushed with. I hope she is still there. 

So, yesterday I was one of the four panelists for one of the webinars on entrepreneurship which was conducted by the polytechnic I used to attend for my Diploma in Business Management (2003). The webinar module is about Entrepreneurs Attributes and Abilities, conducted by their senior lecturer, Benson Ong. 

Frankly, I had great time especially having that opportunity to express my passion towards one of my companies, specifically Grapholistic International. I did not mentioned my other companies though cos I feel like it will be too much for the students to listen to more than one passion of mine. Furthermore, I would like to market more on my Grapholistic first especially because of its unique and not a common service. The other two companies that I owned are of common industry like books publishing and distributor. 

Some of the highlights that the other panelists had shared are somewhat similar to mine throughout my journey in exploring my businesses. Attributes such as patience, sacrificing time and energy especially when like me I worked full-time for the past years in companies while after I returned home, I will spend my time planting seeds for 3 to 4 hours daily to build this company. What else? Taking risk in case what if the plans fail, and putting ideas into actions instead of procrastinating when implementing it. These are a few of those that I remember right now. 

What I realized is that people are always fascinated with this science, handwriting analysis. The way it could identify someone's character accurately and its unique trait belongs to the owner of those handwriting. The responses are the reasons that normally made me more motivated to keep trying in many ways to reach more people. I used to keep this low-profile with a valid reason that I was working with another company as a full-time staff.

But now when I am in full-time mode running my businesses, and I realized that because since not many people know about this and need someone to tell them, I feel like I really need to expose myself in various media and YouTube. That is why I really put in extra effort nowadays to also show my face compared to last time. I have to let myself feel comfortable to be in videos and also in podcast. Thanks to my first few exposures (video and audio) when I was doing my podcast for my publishing company.  This is my first Vlog which I do speak for my company. I mean in here you guys are used to watch me on video but for my Grapholistic's, yeah I don't do that before this. 

Guys, I forgot to upload a write-up about my experience as a guest interviewed by Shida Osman in Adossier Podcast. The interview was about Graphology and my backstory when creating the company. It was my favorite interview so far being. The last time I was interviewed and broadcast on a radio was like a phobia for me because I hated my voice after hearing it. Soooo.. now is the Comeback!

Anyway, watch my YouTube Vlog (Podcast Guest Interview-Graphologist) below and remember to SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube Channel!! Adieus!