That first day of the new year of 2022. Yes, the moment I knew. Even though I have yet to know your name.

The first time you smiled, I did not think of anything other than you being friendly. But when the second time you did the same while I was walking down the aisle, right after the wedding pictures, but this time with the way you look into my eyes with that tiny smile, I felt like I was in a movie when the two main characters first met in a wedding.

The baby pink dress, traditional but with a modern touch enhanced your lean figure. I wonder what kind of career are you in? Ah, well, why didn't I think that you might be the groom's or bride's friends from workplace. I managed to process this analysis a few days later. Now I could understand how you looked well-dressed, simple but every fabric fits your lean and tall form.

Out of the 250 people in that dining hall, only you who had captured my attention. I am not sure whether it was my calibrated radar. But if it is working, there could be five including you and a friend of yours which my radar was directed too but out of these five, only you captured my attention. 

While you were having your moments with your friends at the altar, I could not hold back my attention towards you. I did not even care if anyone was observing me. I did not even hide my interests from my mum who was sitting beside me, probably noticing. I saw your friend putting her hand on your shoulder while taking the pictures with the couple. I was wondering whether you were taken. Trying to gauge whether any of those guys is your partner. I caught a glimpse at your ring finger. Yap, none.

Once you were done, gradually your friends made their way back to the table. I purposely took off my mask at that moment just so you can see how I looked like. I have seen how you looked like even though I don't think I can recognize you again if we ever meet outside. So, I took off my mask playing around with it like as if something was inside that was hurting my cheek. While you were walking towards my table, you had to eventually passby mine. I had to look down and away from you. Really. Yes. Just because suddenly my chest felt so full, my heart stopped beating. I could not breathe. I am not merely saying this just because I am writing a poem or my experiences. I really couldn't breathe. My chest felt like it could explode anytime. I have never felt like this before even when I had interests in people over the years.

Then, you stopped and started chatting with someone. Well, I could not recalled who was that person just because my eyes were fully on you. While you were chatting, I had the courage to peek a glance at you and so I took the chance to analyse your posture and your whole being at that distance before I quickly glanced away. I wanted to memorize the way you look, and your features even though from afar just in case we meet again. 

That evening, the one thing I did differently than my usual was being courageous to let myself feel and not hide it away. I was not concerned if my mum noticed or those other guests saw what I was observing. But the one thing I did the same was, that was it. I tried looking for you in the internet after that and sending video messages in poetry and posts just in case you are in social media, but well so far nothing. And I don't even know your name. 

(Written by S.Sulianah)

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Hi Everyone! Happy New Year 2022! 

I just wanna wish you all here just so we all remember that we managed to go through the pandemic years and we are still going through it again in fact with another variant. Anyway, see you all and I hope everyone is in a good shape at the end of 2022.

Have fun and remember to enjoy the moments!

Why focus on the present and what the future can bring to us instead of the past? And what motivates me to write this? Well, just last week during a lunch and tea meetup with my two close friends, one of them asked us this question Would you like to go back to the past to change anything? The answer for myself is Nope, definitely not. My answer was not influenced by the many 'timeline' related movies I had watched, it is more than that. On the other hand, one of my friends replied, Why not? Maybe there is something that can be changed in the past which is better for you? 

I did not reply to her immediately because I did not want to sound condescending, or like as if I have all what I had been wanted in my life now. Usually whenever I had something in mind, I will make sure that whatever I am thinking or pursuing is in the right path so that is why I will do research on topics related to the issue. 

These are some of my main reasons I would not like to go back to my past. This decision I had made is supported by the books and articles I had read and from videos of motivational speakers in relation to similar subject. 
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1. All these years to this very moment, I have worked so hard and put in effort to do the things I wanted to do in my life. As simple as being here writing this during a day when most people has to be at work. Other examples like attaining my Masters, travel around the world by myself, write and publish books, setup and run my own businesses and make money out of it, learn new skills, gain vast experiences in my career, be successful in my career paths and any ventures I had been through so far, building self-confidence and be comfortable with myself, learning to understand myself, be contented and happy with my own life, feel free, be in a safe environment, be with people who are suitable for me in my life, not be with people who are not right for me and so on. These are what I have been wanting since I was 15. The ones that I prayed every day and asked from The Almighty. And I can say I managed to achieved all of those I had mentioned above.
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2. I could not imagine any other paths other than the ones I had been through. This is what I would like to have. And the paths that I went through to achieve those are not that hard in comparison to possible others. In fact, most of it I managed to go through and achieved without that heavy burden, a challenge yes but not burden. Because I had asked for it to be like this during my prayers. And why should I change it when it is not that difficult to attain those?  
   
   
3. Going to go through all those late nights of writing thesis, group projects were great and yes as part of the package. No complains. I do not mind going through another similar situations but for another level of my education, not to repeat the same. Which means, I do not mind spending time and money again to achieve my phD but not to repeat another degree or masters. Why waste time when I can do many other new explorations and build new relationships with new people? 
   
   
4. Another big item plans since I was 15 was my aspiration to travel around the world. If you know me, you would already know the type of places I had went to. To achieve that budget and time (2 to 3 weeks of vacation leave) I had during those years were unbelievable and till now I feel like Wow, did I really get to do all those things by myself? It was not a miracle or something. I wanted it, I prayed and tell God that I want those and so there it goes. When I did flashbacks to my past, I really am amazed by how I got to achieve those like I had asked for. So, to tell me to go back to my past and change something, I could not imagine anything else other than what I had gone through because I feel like I have done it all and had a great time seeing new places and meeting the nicest versions in people during the time I was traveling by myself. Can you believe it when I said that I had spent S$42,000 on my Masters for 1.5 years, and still have the money AND time to travel to Japan, get a VVIP Ticket to Taylor Swift's reputation concert in Tokyo that cost ~ S$650, go shopping to the extreme, pay for extra baggage cost and not throw anything from inside my luggage just to avoid paying the excess baggage fee, travel to 4 states in Canada, celebrate my first overseas birthday there and took 3 weeks of vacation leave from my ex-workplace, went to the coldest city in the world, to the coldest place in the world, which was not part of the initial travel plan but was the Travel the World plan and many others I managed to do. Yes, I am thankful and grateful. 
   
   
5. How about with the people I had met that maybe I could have avoided in the past? Thinking back on this, I feel like so far it was what it was meant to be. With those experiences, I am who I am today. The person you see me become is influenced partly by the type of people I had met in my past. The things I had learnt to be such as avoiding certain type of characters of people, why I will be careful when I speak to people, being selective when choosing my close small circle of friends, why I am selective to what I shared to people and so on. These are some of a few examples just because of those people I had met in my past, like not being trustworthy, disrespectful and many other possible reasons. However, usually I will take advantage of those good or even unpleasant experiences with people and develop something positive with it. 
   For instance, with those encounters, I will usually analyse it for my own character building, and then develop those as contents by writing articles, poems, videos, scripts and books which could benefit readers in a positive light such as how to identify and manage difficult people, sociopath, psychopaths, disrespectful people, selfish individuals and the not trustworthy type of people. Like I have mentioned in my latest book, Be Brave: Uncensored Motivational Quotes which I had also highlighted the ways you can handle certain type of individuals in your life. 
   
   
6. For me, whatever had happened and wherever I was and am now in the timeline is where I am supposedly to be. I am happy with it, content, thankful and grateful with any decisions I had made and anything that I had achieved with what I had in my mind, in fact better.
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7. Just to share with you guys something which I had read and found. Remember not to be too focus on your future and also be regretful or think too much about what had happened in your past and what is going to happen to you in the future. This will increase your anxiety, could also cause depression and all the worries and disappointments in you. Be here. And keep moving forward and do not look back. Do not care about you think others will think about you. Like I am serious about this. No one cares about you literally in a way like what you are doing right now, or what are you having for lunch just now. They have their own life to be proud of. I am repeating what I had said in Be Brave: Uncensored Motivational Quotes but in case you have not read that book yet, I am saying it here. There are so many other interesting things and experiences waiting for you and for you to try. Yes, you can learn the lessons from your past experiences because that is what we are meant to do as a human to learn, change, improve, relearn and move on. 

 

• The only thing I will tell my old self even though this is actually not regrets, this is more of reminding myself now and for my future is to Yes, you can give space to learn to trust people but do not trust them too much, doesn't matter how long you have known them.
• Also to trust my instincts, do not argue or questioned it. Those are signs to warn me of the true colors of something my conscious and eyes could not see. 
• And to remember to embrace more who I want to be. In fact, one essential factor is that I am glad that my past listened to myself and not listen to what others say about what life should be for me like for instance who they want me to be, it doesn't matter my friends, ex-friends, strangers or relatives. I am thankful that I didn't even stop to give them a chance to dictate my life or how I should be. For those who managed to utter a sentence with that essence, I made the right decisions to leave and never turn back.

I am looking forward to embrace these moments that I have been working on and the new experiences which are ready for me.
And the answer is still No, I will not want to go back to my past and change anything that there could be/might be/possibly be etc something better for me. And yes, if I ever I go back there again, a stubborn human like me, I will repeat the same mistakes that I might not learn from it anyway. So....

See you all in 2022 instead of the 2000!!

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Hi everyoneeee... Yesss this is my second book I had written and published this year. Following the steps of my wife, Taylor Swift. kekekkee... okay, last time I called her my gf now my wife. This is usually to test my personal preference and readiness whether I am ready for a committed relationship with a person. hahahhaa... 

I wrote Be Brave: Uncensored Motivational Quotes in one sitting. Started to write everything from 11.30am to 5.30pm on one of the days in August, specifically on 5th Aug 2021. It was just an instance. I was actually still dragging to finish writing my  book that I promised about journey to build self-esteem. Then, suddenly, my emotions was quite high on that day and without any thinking or pondering much, I wrote Be Brave: Uncensored Motivational Quotes. Quotes book is one of my to-do list but I did not expect to write it immediately like that. I thought that the self-esteem book will be the first to be completed. Anyway, it took me 6 hours to write the first draft, but took me like 2 weeks to finished writing the second draft before sending it for professional critique and editing and proofreading, which was a total of 4 months. The quotes were actually all in my mind for quite sometime since it linked to many different parts of my plans and life during that time. I think because I wanted to release the memories and experiences (good and bad) at the instance, which made me wrote everything easily. 

I had sent all the first batch of my books orders last week. Today I just sent two books to my secondary school teachers, Maths and Geography who are my favorite teachers. Their classes are the ones I always look forward to go and it always motivated me to work smart and put in effort in my studies. 

I will end my marketing of this book by mid of November so I can move forward to work on another projects of mine. Need to do something new just so I can progress forward every time. Please remember to support my books and follow me in social media!

Also, remember to write a book review in Amazon, Goodreads and Winter Scribbler Publishing. 

I feel like writing about being a trustworthy person and why it is important who you let into your home, or in some cases like mine, my office. Maybe you might have noticed the theme of the book I recently wrote and published, Be Brave: Uncensored Motivational Quotes that circled on one of the most important patterns that I had observed over the years which is the importance of being a person who can be trusted. I am not talking about honesty or integrity here. This is as simple as can be trusted. 

Since I was young, my mum will remind me to learn to keep secrets when friends or people tell me to. And to make sure not to tell the secrets to anyone. If they want to tell other people is fine but the stories must be not from me. Due to that, my friends usually called me as the secret keeper. They know that whatever they told me, I will never in one sentence or one word tell others. Well, it works all along and it helped me to create genuine bonds and friendships with individuals over the last two decades.

The issue that I noticed here is when people just couldn't keep secrets. It is not easy to find one like a friend who could. Over the years since I was 7 years old, I had experienced many situations where individuals I met could not be trusted. Whenever I gave a person a chance, they show me their Joker card. So, usually I will ended up telling "secrets" but considered as am prepared if the secret became a headline of conversations, opinions, and sarcasms.

Now I am in my late 30s, and recently had experienced a life changing moment in terms of friendship with a group of friends I used to hangout with for about ten years. I mentioned this briefly in my latest book, Be Brave: Uncensored Motivational Quotes but I could not write too detailed on that book. Over this two decades being friends with thousands of people, I have never felt agitated or feel like vomiting with anyone for a very long time. The last time someone misuses my trust was when I was 15, with one of my classmates who I used to hangout with. She was one of the reasons I told myself to be careful with people. 

So, the misusing of trust by this ex-friend of mine were as simple as when I told her something important for me, "Pls don't tell her first about that t-shirt she gave. I will tell her myself cos I don't want her to feel hurtful." And then the next thing I know was, the girl asked me whether my shirt does not fits me. And if you guys is coming here to shoot me saying how sensitive I am, yes, I am. Because now I am in a phase in my life (after making sure I build my self-esteem and personality for years), I cannot entertain with this kind of idiots and people who are of big mouth. If the person cannot keep a simple secret as this, do you think they can be trusted? Nope. And just so you know, this is only one incident. Within the next 3 months, similar situations happened. One of the most significant one which made me pissed off was when I told her to not tell anyone about me renting a car. I will tell them later. But definitely, the other friend knows in less than an hour. This behavior is consistent. I don't remember her doing this the last ten years because I have never told them my personal secrets and stories which I am glad I did not. And every time I speak or shared my opinions with them in conversations, at the back of my mind, there is this signal telling me to be careful with what I shared which I guessed has been accurate all the time. 

So, you may asked what has this got to do with not letting people you don't trust into your home? Simple. Trust your instinct when you are with anyone. For me I think I let this group of friends came to visit my parents' place years ago during a festive season once. And last year when I had my new office, not even a single moment in me telling myself to invite them to my own office. Not even once. I had planned and did invited my 3 close friends, 2 ex-colleagues and they did came. I did verbally invited one of our friends in the group, the girl who bought the t-shirt for us, just because I trusted her. Surprise isn't it? I mean apart from liking her, I trusted her more than these two friends I have been hanging out with for the last 10 years. And other than that, I invited my 2 MSc classmates randomly if they pass-by my office's area. That is all the circle of friends I really feel comfortable with. There were like 2 more friends who I used to hangout with who also 'invited themselves' to my office but I gave many excuses to avoid.  

Last week, I saw a post on tiktok about this topic and one of the comments were also like what I have been thinking all this while. It is more of a crime investigation post if I am not wrong or about a friend she let her stay at her home but secretly slept with her husband. 

Don't invite anyone that you don't trust into your home. If the person is your friend's friend who would like to drop-by to your place with your friend, but if you are not comfortable you can tell your friend, no. I went to Ottawa for a road trip with J in 2019 and she did asked me whether her friend can join in to stay overnight in the hotel with us. And I told her, no. She and her friend understood. Firstly, is because I don't know that guy. Second, the friend is a guy. Third, for my safety and also her safety. However, during the road trip we managed to create a friendship bond with each other and the guy seems fine and my instinct did not stop me from not letting him stay with us that night. So, I let him share a room for one night and he will go back home the next morning. And I had no issue with that guy or my friend too during that night and after that. 

As for that group of friends who I hangout with for about ten years, one night, they invited themselves to my office. Simply like that after a dinner which I had intentionally avoided to attend. Even when I insisted no don't come it is too late (9.30pm), without any shame they insisted on coming. So, this time, after ten years I used my firm demeanor which I don't usually let it out with friends. This character of mine will come out only in professional work settings. I insisted with a 'No, next time'. I know there will never be a next time, (no need for anyone to tell me). Firstly, was because I don't trust them anymore except the friend who gave us the t-shirt who was with them that night. Second, the last time we met was during the two friends' birthday celebration in November. At that time, I could feel the heaviness of the situation with them like I said I felt angry, agitated, annoyed, and feel like vomiting because that feeling of disgusted was too much. I was at that fine line of breaking no matter what, when the trigger is released. I am that kind of person, if I am a loyal friend I will take care of that friendship, but if anyone pissed me off, I will leave out everything and let them hang without even saying a thing for closure. My closure is the same as most people in friendships. Just leave, no need to explain. No need to reply texts. I mean since this is common for a normal friendship, I did the same. If I am still interested in the friendship, I will explain to the person like I had done with a number of my friends who are now my closest. If not worth it, I will leave and block people. It is okay to do this especially if you don't find it worth anymore to talk or discuss. When I tried to justify my actions, I remembered when she told me about how a group of her friends suddenly did not talk to her and exclude her from the group chats. I also suddenly remembered one of our ex-schoolmates who told me about her character. And I also remember one of my ex-squad-mates who did not talk to her. Well, I had to do this because these are the things that I ignored or tried to justify over the years. Since it doesn't change, I feel like for me personally is okay to do this. This is my life. If people want to do this to me, I am okay too. It is their life. I will not stop them to justify my actions with the unpleasant things they had heard about me. 

The thing about this is to usually learn to observe and not to ignore what your first feeling about the person or situation is. I had this feeling since the first time actually, and gradually it builds over the years. I kept justifying every actions of theirs and trying to change myself to be not too sensitive. But the issue is not about being sensitive. That is actually the good part. As a human, we should not, okay I can say, I do not want people with that characters to be in my life. Why should I forced myself to let them in when most part of me has been screaming telling me there is something not right? 

Because of all these build-up, the last thing that snapped me as always is about trust. Probably, I can close one eye on small remarks like, "Wear dress", "Gain weight", "Get married", repeating vacation stories, talking about other people, do not listen and only talk about themselves, or even their disrespectful attitude towards the service staff which happened always whenever we went out which I still don't get it.

I have to rant in my own blog here just because I need to get rid of these toxic layers. Since now I am in a new better chapter of my life, I would like to get rid of these memories forever. My upcoming books and all that, I am planning to write something which is more futuristic and of more positive vibes that will be based on my research on human behavior in organisations. 

Anyway, I really need to talk about trust and how it linked to inviting people to your home and office, which is your sanctuary filled with personal secrets of yours. So, remember this guys. Trust your instincts and act on it. Don't just trust but you try to justify it, and then when you regret about not listening to your intuition, it is because of something else that is much more important to you in your life. For me, the most significant was trust. 

So, I managed to write new poems and these are good signs of Movin' On ...

This poem, The Girl with the Black Boots is the shorter version. Inspired by literally someone I saw around Oct 2020. The distinct fashion that gave me the aspiration and connection with her is her black boots, her cute bangs, that eye contact, the moment she positioned her mobile phone while having a video conversation with someone while I was sitting behind, and the way she placed her leg on her knee while she sat on the bus. 

Hi Everyone! I would like to share with you the best food that I had ever tried without initial planning when I travel to these countries. Usually, before I travel, I will check online the food that I should try. Most of the time, I managed to test those suggested by bloggers and articles. However, the ones that I could remember forever and are significant for me are the ones that I randomly tried while walking the streets. And I guess it is fair enough to share with you all the best food you should try whenever you are at these places. 

I have not been to Italy so don't @ me. I will try whenever I go there for my future honeymoon with my partner. But I did not expect that Paris' pizza dough to be so soft, fluffy and yummy. I tried a Halal restaurant located near a train station.

No arguments. This is the only french loaf or they called it the baguette in Paris that I can eat without any butter or jam. Available at their bakery and even the ones served by the hotel I was staying was a Chef's kiss.

I found this Chinese Halal duck noodle shop while I was randomly walking near a train station when I was in the city of London. The owners are from China. Wow! I have never tasted this kind of noodle even when I was in China. 

Well, at first I was wondering why is the guy who was having his breakfast in front of my table took a big portion of the small donuts. He did not have anything else except that. Then, I took a few with some other food in the buffet. I was like Whattt???!!! So soft, light and really really good. This was at an Airport hotel a few minutes walk from Moscow International Airport. Stayed there for a day and did not expect to meet delicious donuts. I found out after that visit there is a donut shop at St. Petersburg. If I know, I will include St. Petersburg in my itinerary just to try it.

Yes, I found this by coincidence too when I was having my breakfast at one of the cafes near the hotel I was staying. It is huge, and really good. Not too sweet and different from those meringues I had tried in my life. Since the journey from Moscow to my country is only 8 hours, I bought quite a lot to bring back home on my last day. 

I don't mind going back to Alaska just to have this Salmon Cake and Hashbrown. Yes, it was the best. I tried a few at my country after that just because I missed this, yeah no. Nothing beats this salmon cake. 

This butter that I tried was homemade by the owner of the home that we stayed at. It was the best butter I had ever eaten in my life and so far I have not met any of the same butter. Tell you something, me and another Italian group mate whom I met during the travel kept munching the bread with this butter throughout our last day at Oymyakon while we are all having dinner together.  

The best huge cookies I have ever tried is Levain Bakery at New York City. Yes. When I bought a box filled with it back home, my sister-in-law's sister told her to tell me to go back to NYC to help her but these cookies. And frankly, usually I don't do repeat travel to the same country. But I will only for this cookies. 

This is the most thickest and delicious prata and Chapati I have tried in my life. No one can argue with me on this. I can eat one and survive the whole day without any other food. So thick and never tasted before other than when I was in India at Delhi, Agra and Bareilly. 

Hands down. These are the places that made me don't mind drinking coffee without any sugar and cream. This was when I know the other side of the coffee and made me fall in love with it. Firstly it is not thick and bitter. I tried in Canada but it was not my kind of taste though. But the coffee in Alaska, NYC, Long Beach, Los Angeles in California are really my type. 

The tea in London was the first time that made me fall in love drinking tea without sugar or cream. Usually in my country I was introduced since I was young tea with sugar at least if I want to drink. However, when I tried the tea here it just doesn't taste as good as the ones in London and Manchester. By the way, these are the only 2 places in UK then I traveled to. So, my opinion is based on these experiences.  

Wow, this is the only place that I enjoyed having to eat vegetables like nobody's business. Their greens is another level of meals. Their rice rolls stuffed with vegetables and the soup noodles with vegetables. No one can compete with the ones I had at Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam. 

I really need someone to send to me this loaf of bread. It was actually a normal bread but was the best. It looks like the wholemeal brown type of bread. I had this when I was staying at my former boss' family house. They served me with this bread most of the time and it was delicious. Unfortunately, I could not find this bread before I left the Dubai to bring back home. 

When I say tom yum, you say Thailand. Precisely. Out of everything on this list, I think this one is connected to the country. No other tom yum in the world matches with Thailand's. After a few years since my last visit to the country, I went to Chiang Mai. And yes, they should be crowned with the best tom yum by the global food association.

Seriously, I have no idea the name of this wrap. But it is filled with vegetables. An ex-colleague of mine bought it for me for breakfast. He is from China and I guess he knows the ins and outs of the real good food in Shanghai. The wrap is huge that I ate it in the morning and the middle of the day. 

BBQ fish is widely available when you are at Langkawi since it is at the beach. Although it was delicious, I could not finish this fish. It was delicious bbq grilled fish but it was extremely spicy. My spicy tolerance of a small chilli padi is usually at 8 or 10. But this spiciness is at level 100. Even when I ate it with rice, was not helping me at all.